My Testimony

It's no longer just a story when I read it
'Cause I've seen Him for myself and I believe it

The Woman at the Well
-Olivia Lane

Have you ever looked at someone and wondered how on earth they had such a great trust, love, and testimony of Jesus? That was me a couple of years ago. My story of how I came to know Jesus may or may not be similar to how you came to Him, but it is worth telling just the same. I was born and raised in a Christian home. I could probably tell you the gist of most scripture stories. We read the scriptures as a family and went to church every Sunday, religiously. I thought I knew Jesus—until about five years ago. So, let’s take a walk down memory lane:

I was a single mom of three little girls, working as a teacher in a Catholic school, and trying to pick up the pieces of a shattered world filled with abuse, betrayal, and hurt from an abusive ex-husband. Our entire world had been turned upside down, and I thought at the time that we were doing okay—not just surviving, but actually thriving. I had met an amazing guy, and he was helping not only to pick up the shattered pieces but glue them back together for me and my girls. Life seemed to be finally coming together, and I was so grateful to have pushed through the darkness to finally dance in the light.

However, life would quickly change. A prayer I uttered would alter my entire reality just a year later. At the start of that teaching year, I was invited to come up with a faith plan to present to the administration. The challenge or question presented was: How can you grow your faith over the next school year?

So, I began to reflect on how I could and would grow my faith, and it hit me hard: I knew of who Jesus was, but I didn’t know Him personally. I prayed a prayer, asking God for direction and help to guide me in coming to know Jesus personally. And in all honesty, some days I am so grateful that I uttered that prayer because I have come to know Him in such an intimate way. But it hasn’t come without great loss, facing shame, grief, humiliation, and a completely broken heart. The time and pieces that had been picked up and glued back together were quickly shattered again into even smaller pieces. I’ve had to completely rely on Jesus to be the one who picks up those pieces and holds them, ready to glue them back together when I’m healed through His unwarranted grace and love, because of who He is.

The time has not yet come to share my entire story, but what I can share is this: I lost everything—everything. The boy who seemed so amazing and perfect? We broke up. Life with my girls took an absolute turn for the worse. The career I’d worked so hard to build came to a screeching halt. But, in the midst of all of that, I found Jesus in the ashes of a completely broken and shattered world.

So, now that the stage is set, you’re probably wondering: How did you come to know Jesus through all that brokenness? Well, here’s the answer: worship music. Many of the songs I felt so drawn to during my time of utter heartbreak, complete confusion, betrayal, and loss were those sung by Mark Hall and the band members of Casting Crowns. Through those songs, I found truth, comfort, and a deeper understanding of God’s love and who Jesus truly is. I listened to them on repeat. It got to a point where I wasn’t just content to listen to the worship music that Casting Crowns produced, but I had this insatiable thirst to know Jesus like that for myself.

So, I did what any sane person would do: I started to research Mark Hall. Now, you’re probably wondering how this leads to Jesus, but don’t jump ship just yet. I learned about Mark Hall’s testimony of Jesus, how he viewed the Bible, the stories behind his songs, and then I learned about the church he attended. I began logging on to YouTube every Sunday to participate in the worship service he was a part of. I took notes from the Sunday sermons and spent much time during the week pouring over years' worth of sermons from the church Mark Hall attended.

Over that time of learning, seeking, and praying, I’ve come to know Jesus in a whole new way. I wish I could say my testimony is as strong and deep as Mark Hall’s, but I’m not there yet. I still have to face the reality of unlearning misconceptions about who God is and accepting Jesus for who He truly is. Every day, I make the conscious choice not to numb my pain with worldly distractions but to bring it to Jesus, asking Him to heal it. And each day, He meets me where I am, and little by little, I come to know Him more intimately.y.

If you want to know Jesus for yourself, there’s only one way: well, maybe two. Get down on your knees and cry out to your Maker to show you who He is. And read the Bible, because you’ll find Jesus in those pages. The greatest gift I now hold and cherish, both now and forever, is my Bible and the relationship I have with Jesus.